Gel Pen Learning

You’ll hear the word “unschooling” thrown around a lot in the homeschool discourse. Depending on whom you ask, it’s either the most natural way to learn…or educational neglect.

Truthfully, it could be either.

There are families who say “we just let our kids learn what they want,” and what they want is a steady rotation of Minecraft, YouTube, and whatever cool experiment kit they find along the way. How do I know? Because I talk to people, and they tell me this is how they teach their kids. I’m not hating on that; these are all fine supplements, but it’s not a full education. It’s permissive parenting.

There are families who do something that, on the surface, looks similar: they let their kids follow their natural curiosity, and their kids are learning deeply and making connections. The fundamental difference is in the structure, which I’ll explain in a moment.

But first, you’ll notice a recurring theme here: I like to be concise. That’s because it isn’t fair to the people within the community who really take homeschooling seriously to be delegitimized by people who simply don’t want to send their kids to school.

The difference between unschooling and creating an environment where your children can follow their natural curiosity is structure.

What is “Rabbit Holing” Anyway?

When I talk about rabbit holing, I’m not talking about letting the kids do whatever they want all day.

I’m talking about a specific moment: it’s when you or your child come across something and think, “Huh. That’s interesting. Is that true?”

And instead of moving on, you follow it.

Together, you start asking questions. Then another. And another. You go deeper into the subject.

That’s a rabbit hole.

Why Most People Do it Wrong

Most people’s first instinct when they want to know something more is to go straight to Google (or now Chat GPT) and ask a close-ended question.

“What did Queen Elizabeth do?”

“Are frogs amphibians?”

You get an answer, either a yes or no, or one that’s a paragraph or so, and then you move on. Bam. Done.

That’s not a rabbit hole.

Rabbit holing only works if the question stays open:

• Why did this happen?
• Who else was involved?
• What else connects to this?
• What do people who study this actually say?

Now you’re not just getting answers; you are building understanding that creates pegs for future learning.

The Difference Between Unschooling and Rabbit Holing

This is where people get confused because they are similar but different.

Rabbit holing still has guardrails.

You don’t just let the day drift wherever it wants to go. You guide the lesson, even if the starting point comes from your child. In a good rabbit hole, there should still be attention, effort, and a tangible output. Without those things, eventually, curiosity defaults to whatever is easiest or most entertaining.

I know some people who identify as “unschoolers” are offended by this, and your kids might be thriving. Child-led learning is about providing resources based on your child’s curiosity. But what happens if your child isn’t curious about anything?

Here’s an uncomfortable fact: many kids aren’t naturally interested in learning. They would rather watch TV, play games, or build with LEGOs. In an effort to not be like our own parents, we slap a label on it to legitimize it further, and suddenly, you have a movement.

Did you know that Jean Jacques Rousseau, the intellectual father of the “whole child” movement, dropped all his kids off at the orphanage? Think about the implications of that. (That’s a fun fact from a rabbit hole I’m currently exploring for a book I’m writing.)

How to Start a Rabbit Hole

Sometimes my kids aren’t curious about anything. This is why unschooling would never work for them, even if we didn’t live in New York. There are times when my kids would rather be on computers all night and sleep all day. I’d be a bad parent if I let them follow their natural inclinations, because those inclinations would be harmful.

When my kids get into that place where we are just gritting our teeth and checking boxes, the reset we need is a good rabbit hole.

Here’s how I start it, and half the time, I just randomly walk up to one or more of my kids and say:

“Hey, I feel like learning more about frogs, but I don’t have time to research it. Can you tell me five things I don’t know?”

They always respond with:

“How do I know what you don’t know?”

Exactly. That’s the whole point. Now they have to:

• look things up
• decide what’s interesting
• filter information
• and bring something back

We’re not just collecting facts; we are practicing how to learn.

Where This is Going

Rabbit holing isn’t random, and it isn’t lazy. Done well, it becomes a low-friction way to:

• build research skills
• encourage independent thinking
• build media literacy

In August, I’m going to break down how to do this in a way that supports structure, especially for homeschooling in New York. But for now, just start here:

If something catches your attention and makes you pause, don’t close the tab; instead, follow it.

Let’s Chat

What is the most interesting thing you’ve found in a rabbit hole? I would love to hear it!